What I know

To watch your child almost die is an experience I hope no parent will ever have to witness. I am in shock tonight as I am haunted by the images of my son, almost 2 years old, falling from a moving John Deere tractor into the attached bushhog. I cannot believe that it happened. It is a parent's worst nightmare to even think about losing a child. I was taking pictures of the kids with my dad as they were in his new tractor last night at my grandparent's house in Danville. I think it all happened around 6ish in the evening.

Tristan was holding on tight to papaw's arm and Sam was waving to me and hollering, "Hi, mommy." I heard my mom tell Jeremy (whom had just pulled up into the driveway) that those kids should not be on that tractor. Well, about that time, I thought to myself, no they should not be! Well, I started towards the tractor and just as I snapped the last shot with my camera, I saw my baby fall head first into the bush hog from around 6 feet or so in the air. I flung the camera off of me and began screaming and sprinting towards them in the field. I was about 30 or 40 yards away. I kept screaming and begging for my dad to stop the blades of the bush hog and to stop the tractor. He was doing his best to do that. But, it seemed like he wasn't hearing me because the tractor was not stopping. Samuel, in his wonderful instinctive way, was holding on and grasping at every piece of metal down the way to the ground. His angel must have been showing him where to grab. As the tractor jerked to a stop, and I was gaining yardage closer, I felt my sense of closeness with my son slipping. I was ballistic at this point, I was frantic and screaming and I sounded like a wounded animal, that is what I remember.

Samuel, was caught under the drive shaft between the hitch and the tractor and he was reaching and screaming out for me. He was watching me to see how he should react. I wish I could say that I was calm and strong for him, but I wasn't, I couldn't be. I wanted him. I wanted to hold him and know that he was safe. I finally caught up with the tractor and knew that Tristan was safe and unjammed Sammy's hands from the shaft and grabbed him with every bit of Adrenaline inside of me and I ran. That was the only instinct I could go with at that moment, run.

I ran so quick and my feet were like floating on air. I ran so hard and so fast that my adrenaline gave way to me. Someone was trying to take him away from my arms and I jerked and tripped on an old tree root as I was coming out of the ditch and fell, hard. That was the hardest fall I have ever had in my life. Sammy, craddled in my arms, fell with me and began screaming my name over and over. I think it was then that he received his first scratches of the whole event. Dazed, confused, erratic, and discombobulated, I was jerked to my feet only to fall back down to my knees as Jeremy grabbed Samuel from my arms and began to sprint to the house with him. I crawled back up the ditch, knowing at that time I had broken something in my foot and feeling a sting in my right shin, but not caring because all I wanted to know was that Samuel was alive and okay. My mom was urging me to calm down and Tristan followed in suite telling me it was okay and to just be calm.

Amazingly, Samuel was unharmed. The only place on his body that was injured was on his back, just a few light scrapes and that was from when I fell with him. I was still screaming, "Oh, God. Oh, God, thank you" over and over until I was so hoarse. My parents were trying to calm me down and I just couldn't do it. I began worshipping God and praising him and shouting his name as loud as I could until I found out that he was okay and then even after I knew. Once I knew he was allright, I fainted in their driveway out of my dad's arms. I awoke to find my dad slapping me and weeping with me.

Samuel was screaming for his mommy. I was screaming to hold him. I took him into the bath tub, the tub I used to love to take baths in as a child when I would visit my grandparents, and I bathed him and cried and washed my own wounds. By that time, my injuries on my shin and elbow were swollen to about two inches off of the regular plane of the skin. My shin looked like someone had taken an air pump and inflated it under the skin. It was about the size of salad plate in diameter. I continued to thank God and was just so shocked at what had just transpired. I was really bad off, I was injured and Sam was not, praise God for that. If someone had to of gotten hurt, thank you God it was me. I washed him over and over and the water was dirty and bloody. But, he was unharmed and I was badly shaken. He kept looking to me as to how he should react and he kept saying over and over and over the word, "tracker" I was so overcome with grief, stupidity, and joy. I was in shock. My body was shaking uncontrollably and my baby was okay.

Tristan brought me my camera, my nice, new, pride and joy camera that I love. It was in several pieces, a small price to pay for the life of my child. I have pictures of the event. It might make you sick to see the whir of the last shot I took before I threw the camera across the field as I dashed to "save" my son (it does me).

We went to the hospital. My grandmother thought that I was going to have a heart attack. My blood pressure at the hosptial was 166 over 99. I thought my dad was going to have one. He left the scene as soon as he knew we were all okay. He was sick. He would never hurt one of his grandchildren and he was sick at the thought of having almost done so. I suspect that he and I will share the same nightmares for a while. The images that almost were, but thanks to God, never happened.

I have a broken pinky toe, the same one I broke in November. It is actually broken on what is considered the foot. I am really scraped up on my leg, hand, and elbow. But, I have my sons. I have the security that they are allright and that God is so, so, so, good. I am blessed and I will praise His name forever for what he has given me.

My Dad called me two days after this happened and told me that Samuel had this "blur" or "glow around him when he turned around and saw him falling. My dad said that he knew that he was protected. God is still turning water into wine in our times too...
After you read this, please say a prayer of thanks for the miracle that God granted us with last night. Life is like a whir of images and thoughts. My heart is on eggshells tonight as I mourn the feelings I had of doubt and the unknown. God's Grace and Hope and Faith are what I know.

A new friend

Yesterday the boys and I made a new friend. Her name is Cassie Lawson and she is a local photographer. She is shooting my best friend from high school's wedding photos in October. She has a license to take photos at the town of Mooresville. I have been inquiring for several years about someone to take my boys pics there, and by chance found out that she does very good work there.

If you want to check out the pics she took of Sam and T-man go to: www.lawsongallery.com, click on "visit site" and go to "clients" and the password is holmes. Let me know what you think!

Also, she blogged about the experience and here is that link: http://www.cassielawsonphotography.blogspot.com/

Lunch

Yesterday I ate lunch with my mom. She really is a fabulous friend. She is just a human like the rest of us. As a daughter, I sometimes struggle with wanting to put her on the perverbial pedastal and worship her from down below.

She is a fabulous woman with great intuition, strength and heart. She has a grand opinion of things in life, even though I may not always agree with her, she is part of my foundation here.

Thank you God for mothers.

The amazing thing about my mom today, and I say today because it changes, is that after we had lunch she calls me about a hundred times later to tell me one more thing (of course I call her a hundred times too)...you never have enough to say between a mother and a daughter. I love and loathe that all in one. Thank you God for this relationship between my mom.

The Butt crack of dawn

Heck, it is not even the butt crack of dawn when I am getting up these past two days. I have this wild hair to start my running routine at 5:00 am when my hubby rises to get ready for work.

So far, both days, I have ran 1.5 miles each day. It feels good. That is who I was when I met my man, a runner. I loved it. It relieved a lot of stress for me. I need to get off my keister and get serious about my health and my weight. Sometimes it is so much easier to just sit and eat than it is to get up and run around and diet. I have dieted my whole existence on Earth. I have always been a bigger gal and I like to eat. But, I do not like the choices of food that I have been making in front of my children. They see that mom likes sweets, carbs, and they never see me exercise.
Day two, I am sore. But, really excited about the fact that before most people have even turned over in the bed, I have gotten in my mile and a half and burned some calories. I also really have used that time to let God back in. I need His encouragement every step of the way so that I can continue. I said to myself that a thousand mile journey begins with the first step.

Encourage me. I will need it.

Just a few more days

I am getting all pumped up about going back to school, whatever~

I think it will stink to miss my babies. They are the crack in my foundation of education.
I think about them all day long and can't stop wondering how they are doing, what they are doing, and how I can get to them the quickest in the afternoon.

I dread the cranky days of getting up at 5 and rushing like mad to do all the stuff that my day requires.

Blah!

Too much Sin Exposure

Finding your heart pounding at things that should not excite you?
You have had too much Sin Exposure.

Ever watch a movie or see an ad on the computer that had way too much of something you should not see and feel your excitement raise?
You have had too much Sin Exposure.

Do you find that the thrill of the chase is just another day of getting what you thought you wanted, but did not really need only to find out that it was NOT what you wanted to begin with?
You have had too much Sin Exposure.

I am going to be cheesy and say that I only think there is one way through and it is through Christ. He is the ultimate sinblock.

All of this sounds like it should be on a church marquee somewhere....

A few Pics from Betty's Celebration

Susan, Rachel, and Pat
Karen, her mom, some friends, Lyndia, Cheryl, Susan, Anne, Pat, Rachel, and Grace
Dana giving Betty roses

Anne and Grace

Michelle

Eli and Bennett
Stacey, Amber, Michelle, and Pam

Dana and Becky

Jessica and Julie

Celebrating Life

Waiting with anticipation all week long to celebrate the life of a woman that has really helped my family out a lot took a lot out of me this week.

I wanted so much for her to know that she is loved, needed, and celebrated in this life. Breast cancer may have taken her ta ta (s) but it did not take her Sexy! (that was the logo on the tshirt that I had printed up for her)

Betty was thoroughly surprised, she had no clue, but she shed tears of joy as she saw 25 people waiting on her in Romeo's Restaurant in Decatur on Friday. She smiled like I have not seen her smile in months. She was a ray of sunshine in that place on Friday. She was loved on, hugged, and showered with gifts and words of encouragement from her friends, family, and former co-workers. How blessed she truly is.

teeny, tiny tattoos

A small and inconspicuous, yet so meaningful, little tattoo is causing a rift between two of my closest, and newly married buds. The thought of a permanent mark is suffocating to some and invigorating to others. Our bodies are these temples that we are given by the Lord, but we stuff it to the brink on steak and ho-ho's, we never run it like we are supposed to, we use it as a human garbage disposal, and then we want to put permanent reminders of our youth on the skin that will be full of cancerous welps when we are in our 50s. Is getting a tattoo that glorifies God a sin? I don' t think so and it took me over a year to finally read enough research, pray that God will forgive me if I am actually wrong (which I know that I am not), and pick when and where I will get the "satan's mark." (it is a joke, for those of you not reading in between the lines)

When I really sit and think about permanent things in my life, I think about all the tattoos that are on the inside of my heart, spirit, and mind. The ones that invade my thoughts and will never release me. Those tattoos are the ugly reminders of sin that I cannot seem to shed, the ones that I pray that I will finally lay to rest. Those tattoos are not pretty, done with an ink that I would select, they are images that I would be embarrassed for the whole world to see. Those tattoos are haunting reminders that only I see and my Savior sees.

Some people are convinced that having a tattoo will make you a scuzzy person or a trashy Ho if a girl gets one on her lower back. It is just like everything else in this world, it is all relative. What makes you happy and can you use it to glorify God? Maybe I should reverse those, what glorifies God and what makes you happy?~

I got a tattoo about two months ago and have yet to feel the "buyer's remorse" that my hubby tends to feel when we make big, ever-lasting decisions. I took three of the most important people in my life with me to make a permanent mark on my body. I have such a love for Christ that I may tattoo his name on my thigh one day so that I can be more like he will be one day when he comes back to rescue us from this place. I love Jesus Christ. I love everything he is and will be.

I love the coloring, the place I chose (on my left foot), and the symbol that is represented on my body. My feet are a way that I can lead others to Christ, the left side of the body is symbolic to a marriage between two things, and the dove represents the peace and promise that God will never forsake or destroy us. There is always hope, the olive branch is that for me. I want it to remind me that through Christ there is everlasting hope.

Please disregard my footsie, I am already paranoid about my feet...

blogger woes

I really think that I am getting a lot out of the whole blogging thing.
I read other people's blogs now and get lots of ideas. I see like loads and loads of comments on their sites, but I never get any on mine.
Is anyone reading my bloggy boo?

I am she

Falling down.
I fall down,
I get right back up.

Jumping back.
I jump back,
I get right back into the groove.

Walking slowly.
I walk slowly,
I gain momentum.

I dive full hearted into what I don't understand.

This is the chaos known as being a mom, wife, Christian, co-worker, friend, sister, daughter, daughter in-law, leader, loser, winner, fighter, teacher, a whatever role I am cast into daily.

Imagine your heart racing, your palms sweating, and you are out of breath. Okay, it is not a marathon or a crazy sex event, it is how you feel when you worship our God. The maker of everything.
I love to worship and sing praises for Him. I feel just like this when I give myself wholly to the omnipotent, magnificent, (whatever other BIG, flowery word I can come up with) Father of all the nations.

Whoo, HOO!

My heart hurts

Soon I will begin a new school year with thriving young pupils eager to learn ( NOT) and will have to send my babies back to daycare. I am bummed about this because this was the first summer that I was able to hang out and not worry about getting the kiddos ready for a scheduled daycare day that I really did not want to take them to, but did it anyway because I was paying a hundred bucks for the service.

(woo)

My heart does hurt a little at taking them back and making them get back to a routine of scheduled affection, meals, and buggy rides. But, I also look forward to going back to my own routine of working. This summer has been the first in a long time that I have genuinely not worried. Worry about has killed me in the past. I believe it put years on my life.

My heart is so attached to my little angels and I will miss our daily outing to the park to swing, slide on the BIG slides, and our nature walks at Julian Harris. We went today and here is a pic from that:

Tristan told Sammy that his heart was sad because Sammy would not go down the slide with him, so Sammy came over and sat on the bench with his brother until he was okay! So, Sammy finally did decide to go with TD and it was hilarious:

Whee!

The count down to a new year

I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I am not (well, that is the nice thing to say) but, I don't want to start school back. I JUST got into the routine of being lazy and sleeping as late as my kids will let me, 6:45 am is a big deal to me these days!
Snooze..............

The new school year begins in exactly 9 weekdays (because teacher's don't count weekend days as "real" days). We just like the 5 days of the week as our work week.

I have a proposition to make, (no not that for you perverted freaks who read my blog, Ann (j/k)), why not year round school? I could do it, but the deal would have to have 4 day school weeks and shorter school days. We have a different breed of students these days. They aren't like us. They need entertainment every milli-second of the day. They are freaks for control and they need their space. Oh, maybe I was talking about myself for a sec, hummm, ponder....

Well, I think that year round school would be awesome, but that will never happen in our Bible Belt of the no drink on Sundays because that may be a sin....whatever! That is another blog, another time topic.

I hope for a successful, no "bad kid," kind of school year. Oh, I must have amnesia this morning because I work in the war zone, not the Care-A-Lot of my childhood that convinced me that I could make a difference with Love, Patience, Hope, and Charity (remember that show?).

Our schools really are war-zones. Kids face battles of drugs, alcohol, cheating, peer-pressure, sex, and popularity like never ever before. It is all about the Benjamins and the price you are willing to pay for your reputation. Kids are starving, homeless, and hurting in Decatur, Alabama. Surprised? They are in pain. They come to school just to get a meal, a safe place of no yelling, fighting, and hitting, they seek refuge. But the refuge I want to tell them about, the ONLY refuge, has been taken away from my liberty of freedom of speech. I cannot use the classroom as a platform to Christ.

So, I think back to my days of dreaming as a child, Care-A-Lot in Care Bear Land was such a hopeful place of dreams, kindness, and I got to pray in school and say the Pledge of Allegiance to a country that honored our President and backed the principles of this great land and the mere foundation of it all. I am sad for school to start back. I get to go back to a place that organizes control, punishment, and the way that things "should" be. However, something happened in 15 years that deems things the way they "should" be.

9 more days until a new year...

Betty

There is this chick named Betty...
The way everyone says her name is so suggestive that she is a professional hooker or something to that manner.

She's not. That is just a thing her crazy son-in-law came up with. I think he should write a book called "Bettyisms." It could be a coffee table book that would sell out in Barnes and Noble all of the world, especially in Korea (if they have one).

She is a sweet lady from up North and she is SERIOUS about some Poker and Bingo.
She can cuss, swear, make your face turn red and purple from the things that she says (just kidding) and she has a smile that can turn anyone into a pile of mush.

She will walk on eggshells to help a friend and stand her ground with the most holiest of stubborns. She is a fortitude of strength and courage.

She knocked cancer in the booty and with stood months of radiation, Be-tt-y, the kids cry as she enters a room, Be-tt-y!

3 more days until we have her celebration at Romeo's restaurant to thank God that he saved her Ta-Ta's, her life here on Earth, and her ever-loving willingness to give of herself (no pun intended).

Pi**ed

No, I am not pissed, just a way of catching the reader's eye for a change. I teach English in a local high school and I am constantly trying to "teach" students to begin their writing in new, profound, mind-blowing ways. Start with a quote or catch phrase, or with the word pissed.

I do not encourage the word pissed. My son told my parents on Sunday that he had to be careful because if he did not watch it, he may piss them off.

That was interesting.

I, after laughing for at least ten minutes and spitting out the piece of pizza that I was consuming, asked where on earth he had heard that and he said from me. Hum, did I really say that to him?
What a loss. I should not say things like that to my children. To my hubby? I know that it is really okay to say to my friends Matt Pitts and Jason Lack. I actually know for a fact that I have said it to them in the last say, 10 days or so. Jason, you know why...pie whole incident and all...
Matt, I can't even remember the reason, there are so many!

I do know that I DON'T say it to Julie, my best bud in the whole wide world, or at least I don't direct it at her, we probably say it A LOT! But, we just don't use it at each other, which is good I can say. Julie, you don't PISS ME OFF! Ha, I said it and I can't direct it at her, that is good. YADDA, YADDA, YADDA...

I digress...

An apology

For weeks I have wanted to tell someone I was mad at that I was sorry.
I did it today.

That person had already forgiven me, but I needed that person to know that I could not live another moment here on Earth or go to Heaven one day with that on me.

Forgiveness is necessary.
You cannot spread the Word of God without it.

We have to be humble and willing to put ourselves out there to seek the Face of God.

I hate that I made someone hurt and be angry because of my own selfish thoughts and feelings.
I was wrong and it feels good to know that I corrected that in my life.

Angels among us

I know several right now that have got to be angels among us.

I especially know of two little ones that have the hearts that

could capsize a grown, worn out old heart into the bottom of the sea.

I know several right now that have got to be angels among us.

They prance around, walk slowly, dart quickly, and sneak up on us.

They watch for adoring looks of congratulations and glory.

I know several right now that have got to be angels among us.

They giggle and smile with their eyes.

They hug like they will never hug or be hugged again.

I know several right here, right now, who love me.

Seeing them pass on by

Have you ever watched someone or something pass you by?

Did you ever feel regret for having missed that opportunity?

I have.
I will again.
I want to seize that moment.

Don't let an opportunity pass you by today, this hour, this second, to do what you know you need to do.

My church rocks

My heart was overwhelmed yesterday as my family and I attended the Crosspoint annual PIG OUT!
We had a blast, despite the heat!
We had the annual baptism and WOW!~
There were ten people scheduled to be "dunked" and then the pastor did something I have never seen him do before, he opened it up to anyone else, and it has torn my heart open for the last 24 hours at the renewal of faith that 5 more people received. I sat there and squalled like a baby for the 20 minutes or so that people just kept coming one right after the other and professed their faith for GOD, CHRIST, and their servitude.

My heart is so overwhelmed at God's ever loving mercy for us. Christ is such an awesome addition to anyone's life and the best feeling in the world is getting to tell EVERYONE that He died and rose again for you!
WOW!
My heart is overjoyed right now!

Oh, the woes of selling a house

I am sitting here.
Seated in a hard chair that
makes my booty go numb.

I am sitting here.
Seated, thinking, wishing, hoping
that someone will show to my
Open house...

I am sitting here.
I should be up showing off
my lovely, newly freshened up house.

I am sitting here.
I wish my house to be flooded
with guests begging to buy it.

I am sitting here...

SELL MY HOUSE

I am exhausted! We are prepping our house to sell and I am flat out the most tired I have been in a while. I have painted the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and today will finish the painting in T-man's room. I am exhausted. I have hung backsplash, purchased tile, CLEANED to no end in sight after my two gorgeous and never ending loving babies! They make a mess quicker than I can clean the old one...now that takes skill!
Want to buy my crib?
It is a nice, sweet, and completely new stuff added steal of a deal in the Julian Harris school district.
Call me...
:~)

right now

Right now I am sitting in the dark with my baby, Sammy. Every now and then he will look up at me and say, "Monny?" and then he will take the tail of his lovie, Boo,and give me "Love" which is what we call it here. Sammy "Love" is when he takes the tail of his little lovie and rubs your face, really he just outlines your mouth, eyes, and nose with it and just loves on you. It does not get any better than moments like that. My heart absolutely swells open!

My wonderful boys

I love these guys soooooooo much!

Can I get a whoop, whoop?

On Friday we drove to Florence with our friends, Matt and Ju-Ju~
We went to Ricatoni's Restaurant.
Mine was okay,
Julie's was phenomenal.

Jeremy and Matt's were good, I guess, boys never exagerrate!

The best part was two fold:
We had a great road trip convo!
We got to see Leah Ballentine!
She was out of our churchy element and was glowing with
newly married vibes.

Digressional moment:

I remember when Jeremy and I used to glow.
We had this unstoppable beat about us that let no one
could implode. I am really getting tired of people looking at pics of me and asking,
"What happened to you?" or "That was you?" Dumb asses, keep your big old, fat, rude, and disgusting mouth shut, you idiots. Sigh, I feel slightly better now!

Yes, I got fat!
I birthed two babies and then never got over the I like to eat part.
I love to exercise, wished I was doing it right now, but I am BUSY!~

I will get back that glow, that bodacious vibe and ara that I used to possess.
I will lose my double chin and wear tight clothes and short shorts again...
I hope!

To ANN

Ann is a friend of mine.
A compadre, if you will.
She is a nut!

She cracks me up,
She gets me completely!

She reads my blog,
she loves me!

She introduces me to boomama and such!
She loves life, takes it by
the spoonfulls!
(I didn't say which size!)

Ann, she gets me.
She reads my blog,
She says she loves me!

Faded, not jaded

To fade into existence is a harsh reality. Do we do that? YES!
Some days we just canonically travel through our everyday motions and don't stop to wonder or question why.
We just do and that sucks.
I try to change some things up in my already ever changing existence. Some days I have to not wash my hair first and instead I have to wash my face first...
I was taught that to break out of my routines would prolong my life. It drives my OCD crazy. I don't think I have OCD. I think that was just something someone tried to label me with. Instead I think I may have something I inherited, it is called C-R-A-Z-Y!
I am okay with that today. I am sure it will fade and I will just become a jaded, hard assed, bitch again, but that is okay too. We all have those days where we are selfish, no good jerks. I sometimes actually have eras of those!

Just rip it right on off!

Ouch! The perverbial bandaid was just ripped off today by our pastor at Crosspoint. I mean, the little hairs and all were destroyed! He got right in our faces about RELIGION. What is that word anyway. I actually got my guard up for a minute. The pastor spoke about speaking in tounges. I was raised in a very charismatic Assembly of God church and I saw people speak in tounges from the first memory I have of church. At first I was offended and then I remembered why I started going to this church-to release from RELIGION. I like the fact that I don't go to a Baptist or Methodist or Catholic, or some named religious denominational church; but the irony of all of that is that yes, I do. I go to an organized place that believes the same thing, well, almost the same thing. I love God. I love Jesus. I love the fact that no matter what I do to screw up, they always take me back. They know my inner most deep thoughts and still want me, I love that. So, if a guy that preaches at the place I choose to worship those two figures, wants to spill his guts about how he feels, I know that it is not necessarily my opinion, but his. As I listened to the message, I actually felt my mind change, that is profound for me. I mean it, I physically felt my mind move. Maybe it is all the m&ms I ate Saturday? Who knows for sure?
But, I know one thing and one thing only at the end of all of this, I am thankful that Christ died for me and that because my pastor got up and spoke today, as he has and will do for a while, that people's lives are changed and that they are NOT going to hell because of that.
(I guess that was more than one thing that I knew!)

Why can't I sell my car?

I want to sell my car. My Mercury Mariner. I think it is a sexy ride, but I am a mom and need a more mom-like car. I need more room and a bigger SUV. In reality, I am fine with my current ride. But, I am paying what I pay and need more room, so I want and yes, NEED a bigger ride. I want My SEQUOIA back. I am looking at an Acadia by GMC or a Honda Pilot. Those are good rides too!
Oh well, nobody is selling anything right now, because people sure ain't buying!

Worn slap out~

For the fourth of July, I will stay at home with my two beautiful boys while my worn out, tired, exhausted, and many other words synonymous with those already listed husband will be working. He is finishing up an 8 week outage at work that has taken him away from us 6 days a week and at least 12 hours a day and we all four are TIRED OF IT! But, we like to eat, live in a nice house, and drive nice rides, so he works hard for the money!
I, on the other hand, am exhausted too. But, I do it to myself. I don't know how to relax. Because there is always something to do at the end of the "fun Jessica time." I have painted the playroom, spackled holes, gotten the car ready to sell, and maintained the house with the constant messes that the boys bring along this week. I am looking forward to seeing Jeremy be able to relax, maybe in a few weeks he will do so. He is worn out and cranky when he gets in from the heat and dealing with the potential safety hazards that happen or will happen at work. Pray for him. He is really tired.