Reality Check

On Saturday, I had my heart explode. I have had a person in my life for like 15 years or so, who has called me their best friend, and I them. That person got married and did not ask me to be a bridesmaid. I tried to be the better person, be a good sport and all. But I just couldn't. I mustered up the courage to attend the wedding and I bought gifts; showered her when I didn't feel wholeheartedly inclined to do it, but I did it. I tried to be the good sport. Well, I went into the church, trying to hold it together and I saw her, surrounded by a mass of turquoise chiffon maids in waiting and I lost it. I did not recognize a single person. Who were these people that sat at her feet and attended to her on this special day that she and I used to dream about at sleepovers as teenagers? We used to draw on pieces of paper these crazy tests of when you would get married and day dream about Mr. Right together. Where were they when I used to hear her cry about how she did not have someone special? How did they fit the mold and not me? What special power did they have? I am tired of being someone's friend and always being the first one to call, e-mail, text, etc...
Why can't people love me the way that I love them? Why do I have to go over the top for people only to always be disappointed by their lack of desire to make me feel that special too? I do it in so many ways. I try to throw nice birthday parties for my family members, I exhaust time, heart, and money into them. Only to be left in the bathroom on my birthday because they fell short of even trying to make my day as special as I made theirs. My expectations are too high. I need to lower them to scum level in order to be happy. I want to be someone's special something. I am, in many ways, that to my children and husband. I see people with friends that they both are inseparable. Where is that in my life? Why would one of my oldest friends, who I have always kept in close contact with, do me this way? Reality check central here. I gave myself a day to be upset about it, to hash it all out, to try and be really pissed about it. After this, I am over it-really.