With a confused blob of emotions

Tomorrow, with a big confused blob of emotions, I will return to work. I was already dreading it. But now with the events that have unfolded in the last 3 or 4 days, I have such a heavy heart about returning to work. I don't want to leave my babies. I am still very sore and every morning when I wake up, something else hurts. Yesterday it was my ribs, today it is my head. The day before that it was my toe. The day before that, it was my shin and my elbow. My heart is what hurts today as well.

Jeremy and I had our first talk about the whole situation last night, it was our first chance to do so. He is so amazing and strong. God knew that when he put us together. He is amazing. He listened, got me tissues, and held me.

I have been reading in 1 Samuel about Hannah's prayer to God for a son. She wanted one so bad that she vowed to give him back to God if he would first give her a son. I really have been meditating on that. God gives us our children and then wants us to give them back to him so that He can protect them. It is a hard thing to do. But, yet so easy. Life is quick. Life is a gift.

I am so not ready to go back to work. I want to sit around and hold my sons a little longer, a little more, just a few more times, just more and more...