A parental screw up

So today I was watching my two kids fight over a toy that in the schema of things did not matter and I then began to look around at the thousand other toys that they had and I just had to sigh. I mean the thing is, aren't we all like that? We have so many other things in our lives to check on or be responsible for and we just screw it up by not giving it the attention it deserves.

In the same moment, I was rushing around trying to clean up a house that my two wonderful sons would soon demolish and instead I could have been playing with them and there would be no fight btwn the two of them. Sigh........

Why can't I be a better parent? A better wife? A better daughter? A better friend? A better co-worker? Why?

I love my kids. I love my husband. I love my parents. I love my friends. I love my job.

My mind is a crazy place. I sit and watch the two wonderful, adoring human beings I squeezed out of my body ARGUE! I feel like it is all my fault!

The other morning on the way to work, my oldest son, 4, is sassing me. I was thinking to myself, just two more miles and I don't have to deal with this for a few hours, daycare can! And, then the pang of guilt hit me really hard. I chugged on my protein drink a little harder. Turned right onto Lafayette...he's still sassing me. Okay, I lose it. What is your deal little man? I warn him that if he does not watch it, he will be in the red chair (this is the major time-out chair at preschool) for the day and I will not come to his rescue. I hate myself at this time. I know, I am a parental screw up. My son then responds to me, "Mom, my future, my world."

By now, I am fuming and then cracked up all at the same time. My son has my sense of humor and my incredible smart mouth. At four he could say this to me of his own conjurings....
I turn right onto Church ST. Okay, if I reach back to slap, will I hit the stop sign, will the other moms and dads with "perfect children" see me?
Who cares....
Smack!
My four year old repeats the phrase for again, to make sure I heard him the first time.

I am a genuine parental screw up if my four year old can out smart my 28 year old smart mouth. He left me speechless..........